6.6_KahHwee_6.6

累
厌倦
我累了
我厌倦了
这样的生活
成天吃喝玩乐
感觉很没有意义
也提不起劲去享受
失落感常常莫名而来
希望开学日子快些到来
却又害怕再次与亲友分离
再次的不舍亦无法避免
忙碌的日子一旦开始
结束日子遥遥无及
非己首选的前途
但愿我会喜欢
愿我不后悔
请多保重
祝福我
加油

It’s funny when looking back this (what i wrote on 14th March):

I just finished the online applications for NUS and NTU. Guess what my decisions / plans are.

If I get into NUS, I’ll first take Computational Biology for the 1st year, and then apply for Double Degree Programme (partnering Business) if my results allow.

For NTU, if I fail to get Double Degree in Business & Computing, I’ll do Business with specialization in Information Technology.

Then where am i going in the end?

None of the above.

It’s SMU (Singapore Management University), a university that i had never considered. I applied for it just because i was asked to. No harm trying, that’s what i thought then. Phew~ luckily i did apply.

"SMU? Rich people’s school…" That’s what my friend said. Well, i didn’t know about that. The course offered is very attractive to me, but i wouldn’t accept it without any scholarship. The tuition fees and hostel rates frightened me when i checked them out. But now with the scholarship, things become affordable. Hehe.

I was really surprised while i received the news. I thought i have no chance. Because the most suitable word i could find to describe my interview was "awkward", and "blur" if i were to find another. I have no idea how i came out with all the "special" answers.

I was always one of the last to answer the questions. While other interviewees were speaking, my heart was beating fast because i didn’t know what i should say as the politically correct answers had already been mentioned by other people. Then out of nowhere, "ting!" in my mind, "ok, i’ll talk about that when it’s my turn." That’s how i got my answers. Phew~ how generous SMU is… Thanks~!

I’ll be doing Bachelor of Science (Information System Management). It’s a combination of business and IT, again. My fate *sigh*

Anyway, live up to the choices we made, as Jun Hui said. So i will

Found this song quite meaningful and felt like sharing with you guys.

Take note of the lyrics, and bear that in mind. Cheers Enjoy life

I just finished the online applications for NUS and NTU. Guess what my decisions / plans are.

If I get into NUS, I’ll first take Computational Biology for the 1st year, and then apply for Double Degree Programme (partnering Business) if my results allow.

For NTU, if I fail to get Double Degree in Business & Computing, I’ll do Business with specialization in Information Technology.

That’s all.

No Social Work. At all.

………………………………>.<………………………………
………………………………T.T………………………………

"You are living in a realistic world! When you are poor, no one will help you! … "

"Please think from a more mature perspective… You can’t be so idealistic…"

"How can you help other people when you can’t even take care of yourself?! … "

"When you are affluent, you can do whatever you want… You know Gates Foundation? … "

"Don’t you want to have the ability to support yourself? Do you still want your parents to support you even after graduated?"

"You must wake up, Kah Hwee! …" … …

OKAY.

STOP.

I SURRENDER.

I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO.

JUST DON’T WORRY.

Thanks.

——————————————————————–

Perhaps i have to challenge the words i shared with you guys in my previous entry:

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important
Only you know what is best for you

I must say, "Sorry, I don’t".

============== A Creed To Live By ==============

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others
It is because we are different that each of us is special

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important
Only you know what is best for you

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart
Cling to them as you would to your life
for without them life is meaningless

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers
by living it in the past or the future
By living your life one day at a time
you live all the days of your life

Don’t give up when you still have something to give
Nothing is really over
until the moment you stop trying

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect
It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find
The quickest way  to receive love is to give love
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tight
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings

Don’t dismiss your dreams
To be without dreams is to be without hope
To be without hope is to be without purpose

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget where you have been
and also where you are going
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured
every step of the way

===============The Final Analysis===============

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered
Forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of having selfish, ulterior motives
Be kind anyway

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies
Succeed anyway

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you
Be honest and frank anyway

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight
Build anyway

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous
Be happy anyway

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow
Do good anyway

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough
Give the world the best you have anyway

You see, in the final analysis
It is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway

So i got my A Level results last friday.

I expected 2 As (Maths and Computing/Physics) and i got 4!!! That’s great, everyone’d say. Econ’s result was the most surprising one. I never know how i made it. But, i expected B4 for GP and i got a C6… Perhaps i should still be grateful for a pass? lol. The happiness and disappointment just offset each other…

And now i still have less than a month to decide what i’ll do in the future.

Still social work? Many people have been asking… Do you seriously like it so much / want it so badly? And usually i just gave them a smile or i just kept quiet. I don’t know, honestly. Although i did some research online about social work, but i think i still lack information. I know nobody in this field…

I actually have some interest in business/finance, but somehow i am just fed up with the reality that i will have to be thinking about maximizing profits and returns all the time…

IT? Since i got an A for Computing… But frankly, what i can say is, although i am able to score well for this subject, but my knowledge in that is actually pathetic, especially the technical part. And my interest in that has been diminishing.

Anyway, i’ve marked down whatever i’m interested in. FYI, i just narrowed my choices to institutes in Singapore. Don’t ask me why, ask God. These are the programmes i’m into:-

NUS - Bachelor of Social Work
NUS - Bachelor of Computing in Communitations and Media
NTU - Double Degree in Business and Computing

That’s all up to now…

When my optimism arises, i think things will turn out fine eventually. So just don’t worry so much… Haha…

This CNY has been one the craziest with friends. I did enjoy it. Special thanks to all my friends and especially the organizer. Hehe

At Noelle’s house, some karaoke-ing, some playing cards…

        Sam and Jack.                               Sam and Kevan.

Wayne and Jack singing. See how serious they are… =P

At my house. While they were playing cards, some (including me) started the crazy photo taking session =)

Alex, me & Kevan.

Sam came in ;}

Posing stupidly (but professionally, haha =D) here…

Acting cute!!!

Posing at the stairs…

Five shots:
One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Then… Sam and Yen got high already and wanted for more and more… hehe…

Scandalous!!!

=== 18SX ===

Wanted to share some thoughts here but feeling lazy to translate after i typed them in chinese in another blog… so i just copy and paste for now… hehe… lazy girl~

=================== 信任 * 坦白 =====================

Well… That’s my look after LASIK… with sun-glasses

Before i sleep… with eye shields…
scared my sis when she woke up and saw me…

I guess it’s obvious that i am damn free at home…
updating here almost everyday…

Some eye drop was applied to enlarge my pupils before the operation. The effect lasted rather long as my pupils are still extraordinarily huge now. It’s around 80% of the iris. That’s why i’m very sensitive to bright light. And these few days, i’d have to put on sun-glasses in the daytime.

After waiting for around 30 minutes at the waiting room, so it’s my turn. The doctors and nurses had been ready there waiting for me. After lying down, some machine was moving towards me, and stopped exactly in front of my eyes. Although i knew it’s a pretty small surgery, i can’t help feeling nervous.

A suction ring was placed on my eye. Then i felt some pressure on my eye and the vision went dark. There’s a buzzing sound as a flap was created on my cornea. Subsequently it smelt like something burnt. Then, the flap was lifted and laser was applied to reshape the cornea curvature. Lastly the corneal flap was repositioned over the treated area and stayed in place without stitches.

Throughout the operation, the only thing that i had to do was to look at the red light in front of me. It’s rather scary to see the devices coming near the eye, touching it and moving on it, and yet still being not able to blink. The lucky thing was that it didn’t hurt at all. The whole process for both eyes took less than half an hour but it’s like ages for me.

Around 30 minutes after the surgery, the pain was finally felt, for about 4 hours long. It’s like some onion has gotten into the eyes. I kept tearing. I have no idea whether it’s due to the pain on my eyes, or heart. Perhaps both.

I was feeling rather down because of some conflict with my parents. They attempted to stop me from having this surgery without providing me concrete reasons. They asked me to postpone it until after 25 years old. Just because some people told them it’s better to have it after 25 years old. But what’s the reason behind that? They can’t tell. They just kept telling me that people say this and people say that. I had actually tried to convince them earlier on, using some articles about LASIK. But when i asked them to read, they said they’re not free. And until the very last minute, when all the appointments were made, they asked me not to go for it. I fully understand that they’re just worried about me because of the risks and side effects. However i’m not a child anymore. Shouldn’t i learn to be responsible for the consequences of my own actions and decisions? And what is more, i did research about the safety of this surgery before i made my decision.

Since i’ve come to this topic, i just add a bit more. I thought i’ve earned enough trust from my parents. But i wasn’t right. My recent performance has been rather disappointing too. I spoilt my phone, then the car, started a relationship that seems immature to them, and now, stubbornly went for the eye surgery despite their warning. I just hope that they can have more confidence in me.

Okay, back from the digression.

So now, after LASIK, aftercare is crucial. These are the things that i must remember:

1. Do not rub, squeeze or squint my eyes during the 1st week after the procedure,
2. Avoid getting water, soap or shampoo in my eyes, but i still have to keep my eyelid area clean,
3. Avoid dusty and smoky places for the 1st week,
4. Do not wear makeup for a week,
5. Do not swim or use the sauna, spa or have a facial for a month,
6. Avoid sports for a month,
7. Do not drive until i feel confident, and
8. Put on eye shield provided before bed for the 1st week.

Wth all procedure, my vision will gradually improve and sometimes it might take about 3 to 6 months to stabilize. Now it’s still a bit blurred so i am actually having some difficulty in typing this entry.

Oops… it’s quite late now… My eyes need rest. So do i. Good night people. Thanks for your pray (if any)